Monday 23 December 2013

Christmas

I probably should put a disclaimer or apology at the beginning of this blog.... But as ever, this is my truth. Yours may be different.

Christmas.... The time of year when all the major shopping chains n every form of media in the known universe tells you that if you don't live your life a certain way, you are less of a person.
Well, obviously, they don't say it directly, but the message is there screaming silently in the background, judging.

If you don't have all the brown/beige food that is full of cholesterol, carbs and calories, if you don't have the biggest tree with every new games console, all the trendy clothes, all the toys, the latest gadgets, then don't turn up on the 25th.

It is LAW that each Christmas morning, there should be sparkle, magic n love all over this land. Everyone should get along, all families should be MAHOOSIVE and like each other. There will be no tears, no tantrums and everyone will smile like they mean it.

Even if you are Bob Cratchet and don't have 2 beans to rub together, you will still have the most loving family and life is still good on some level.

All the grumpy teenagers remove their headphones, come out of their caves and develop a sense of empathy.

Shops advertise that you can buy the perfect Christmas from them.

Frankly it is all bullshit and one of the reasons I despise Christmas.

It reinforces everything negative about being a family and emphasises the fact that actually, life is just a bit shit sometimes.

If there are presents, chances are these will be elaborate and expensive in an attempt to cover the lack of emotional goodness that is missing round the dinner table....

Or they will have cost the giver a weeks food money (or rent/mortgage payment)

Or the presents will just be a bit shit.

Or not what you wanted/needed/same as last years.

The buyer will not have listened to a word you have said and will, potentially, have bought for the sake of buying. They will have resented battling through the hoards of desperate people fighting to do the same. Chances are it will prove how little the person actually knows you.

If you are forced to spend Christmas WITH family members, I hope you like them. I hope that there is warmth and affection in abundance. I hope they love the bones of you and have seen some of the best times of your life.

I hope you have people you love that you can spend Christmas with.

I hope that the elderly people in your life, the next street, local nursing home have a friendly someone who can call on them with a happy hello n a how are you.

I hope that the nurses and emergency services know they are appreciated, as are the serving soldiers away from their loved ones.

I hope the homeless get a warm dinner and a warm welcome somewhere friendly and non judgemental.

I hope that those with learning disabilities can finally have the structure and routine they need, put back into their lives, instead of all this disturbing nonsense that builds up for 3 months and lasts a day.

I hope that those who suffer from depression don't get sucked further into the black hole by the media and social hype of a Wednesday at the end of the month, at the end of the year.

I hope that all the separated parents have contact with their kids should they want it.

I hope that those who are religious have a joyous celebration of the reported birth of some dead dude who is forgotten some of the time.

***slight but relevant tangent***
If anyone could bring me some concrete evidence of a God based *being* it would be much appreciated.
I'm sure some guy called Jesus existed. I'm open to believing he was a Dr or scientist n quite a popular, clever chap. His birthday may have been December 25th. His dad may have been Joseph, who may have been a carpenter n his mum may have been Mary. They may have had a massive party when he was born n this mates may have visited.
If he was born in Bethlehem, its most unlikely he was white.
Son of some invisible entity that created everything? Immaculate conception?
Hmmm. Open to convincing.
I'd like to believe. I'm just not sure I can.

So, back to this thing we call Christmas....

If you have children or are a child at heart, I hope Santa makes all your wishes come true.

For all I am bah humbug, I secretly love Christmas. I just don't like the commercialised shape it takes.

I will be working Christmas Day. I always have. I used to do the Christmas Eve sleep-in shift.... Put the kids to bed on Christmas Eve n get them up Christmas morning.
Sleep-ins stopped n I changed my shift to do the early.

I have recently discovered that the late is my favourite shift of the year. This is the point when my shallow teenagers are bored and grumpy, the interest has worn off their presents or they have sold them for drugs (yes really). We have (or try to have) good, clean wholesome fun.
We acknowledge that Christmas is a bit shit. As is being a teenager, as is being in care. We try to make it less shit. We show them they matter, that we're happy to be with them. That we make a choice and they are worth it.

The kids I look after won't be with their families and we can't buy the things they want.

We can't make their families look like those on the telebox.
We can't give them their childhood or make all the past abuse go away.
We can't make their parents acknowledge their existence or cure the metal health issues.

But I absolutely want to spend my Christmas Day with them.

They are awesome people. They really are.

Christmas for me was always invariably an anticlimax. Then I worked out why. N now I kinda love it.... A bit.

I love Christmas Eve.
There is still the hope of magic.
There is the hope that, however briefly, there will be love displayed in some shape or form.

An honest love that sees each individual as being full of goodness and infinite possibility.
A love that sees them just how they are, not how we want them to be. Not seeing their flaws as a bad thing, seeing their flaws as part if their unique beauty.

I am blessed. And I know I am.

Christmas Eve I will see the people I love most in the world.
I will train (or play in the pool with purpose), then approx 15/20 swimmers will descend on our local cafe to have a festive feast of a breakfast. My closest friends will be there and this makes me happy.

Then, I will meet Signe for coffee and cake. (I LOVE the Scandinavian traditions)

Signe - Tak for kaffe og kage og være en fantastisk ven. Jeg elsker dig masser.

If there was snow, we would throw ourselves down the hills in Shibden Park on bin liners, Ikea bags n tea-trays.  Sadly, no snow this year. Instead we will sit in front of a toasty log fire n put the world to rights.

I love this girl.
A lot.

It's her fault I agreed to do an ironman. It is her fault I swim.
I will always be grateful.

Each year we give each other the gift of time and we have been on some amazing adventures.
These adventures mainly involve hills, tents, brown food, bad picnics n bodies of water.
The best birthday ever involved a candle lit dinner, a blowy camping experience, lots of sea swimming n too much wine in Tenby.

Next year we will do the Yorkshire 3 peaks. We have played in Scotland and Wales n the Lake District on the highest hills an in the deepest, longest coldest bodies of water. We have hunted mythical monsters and magical beings.

For the first year in about 12 years of friendship, we have decided that there will be no exchange of hand-made custom design diary covers.
These have been epic... And a major talking point for many years!!
There have been themes and stickers and glitter and sticking and cutting.

It will be missed this year, but we both agreed neither of us had time.
A testament that life is going quicker and getting fuller.

After coffee and cake, I will call and see Paul to get squishes and squashes and snogs off Ella, then I will call at my old work.
I will get more squishes and snogs from the staff I worked with and squashes from the kids.

After this I will call to see my niece and nephew and deliver the few presets I have bought, before coming home n curling up in front of the fire.

Thereafter, the evening will be quiet and undisturbed. Bear will rock up whenever he lands and will be about for however long. I hope to give the peace and sanctuary he needs right now.

And then normality can be restored.
What ever that is.

1 comment:

  1. Hope you've had a nice time. Christmas really IS all about the squishes and squashes and hugs with friends. xx

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